If, like me, you have been watching certain parts of the internet, you may have heard of BASED STICK MAN. There was a “March 4 Trump” and some antifa were there to disrupt the event. Several people wore helmets and made shields to protect the “March 4 Trump” people.
However the antifas turned violent and well…the following happened:
The man wielding the stick has become known as BASED STICK MAN. As a huge fan of Shitlord: The Triggering, it was clear to me that BASED STICK MAN is a high-level Dickpuncher.
What is a high-level character without magic items?
Without further ado, here are some of the magical items that BASED STICK MAN uses in his fight against the Cult of the Blood Moon. All of these items may be used by Dickpunchers and Acolytes of Harambe, unless otherwise specified.
STICK OF COMMIE CRANIUM CRUSHING
Heavy Mace +2, +3 vs Communists and Cultists of the Blood Moon (but they are really one and the same!)
On a successful hit, the enemy struck must make a saving throw at a -2 penalty or fall unconscious for 1 round. If the enemy is a Communist or a Cultist of the Blood Moon, the saving throw penalty is increased to -4. It also gives the wielding a melee reach of 15 feet, instead of just 10 feet.
While this deals damage like a Heavy Mace, the STICK OF COMMIE CRANIUM CRUSHING looks like a Staff that is wielded in one hand. Infused with the souls of great fighters of Communism, it seeks a chance to further smash some socialists.
SHIELD OF SHITLORD SUPPORT
While worn, this shield gives the wielder and all allies within 30 feet immunity to the Fear spell and similar effects.
This simple wooden shield emblazoned with the emblem of the Starfield Republic inspires all Shitlords around to stand their ground and not yield a single inch to the forces of evil.
GOGGLES OF TRUTH
While worn, these goggles allow the person wearing them to see through any and all illusions. They are also stylish as hell. Usable by all classes.
MASK OF CLEAR BREATHING
While this mask makes it difficult to speak well (no spells may be cast while it is worn), it does grant the wearer immunity to all attacks that require breathing (such as gas attacks). Please note, that this does not allow the wearer to breathe underwater. The mask filters air, it does not create air.
Despite being a bastion of free speech, BASED STICK MAN does not speak. His actions speak louder than words.
BOOTS OF BOLSHEVIK BEATING
These boots grant -1 [+1] AC while worn. Additionally, if the wearer takes a moment to plant his or her feet firmly on the ground, the wearer cannot be pushed over or moved by anything less than a hurricane force wind or something of that strength.
These boots with their hard covering that goes all the way up the wearer’s shin provides moderate protection from attacks. They are infused with the knowledge that planting yourself next to the river of truth makes you unmovable. Usable by all classes except Fabulous Homos. Impossible to sneak in these boots!