From Ballistas to Battlerafts

THE PARTY

Cleavus Rickshaw – Florida Man 1 – Has a rickshaw he carts his possessions around in. Has 3 Charisma.

Lubabrowfrow – Thief 1 – Rumor has it that I pronounced the character’s name correctly once.

Wyldstyle – Bard 1 – Likes edgy high-school-girl-goth-poetry.

François de la Croix – Explorer 1 – High Charisma. Wants to find what happened to his brother Louis.

Charlie – Paladin 1 – Henchman. Paladin of the Whey. Super jacked.

Eltina Joan – Bladedancer 1 – Henchwoman. No spells yet, so she is treated as expendable.

Horatio – Mage 1 – Henchman. Is the smartest and most handsome man in the world (other than the humble proprietor of this blog).

THE SESSION

The session began with the player playing Cleavus asking how Cleavus could figure out if his magic, slightly-glowing sword is cursed. (It is. He gets -1 to hit and damage.) The other players suggests that the mage, Horatio, take a look at it.

Horatio looks at it and after some experimentation, came to the conclusion that the sword was cursed. Unfortunately, he could not communicate this fact to the 5 Intelligence Cleavus. The Florida Man refused to believe what the self-proclaimed smartest and most handsome man said. So he’s still got a cursed sword!

Then the party decieded to abandon clearing the the rest of the dungeon for the merchant. They took their gold and went to town. While in town, some ideas were thrown out.

First idea was to buy a light repeating ballista and hail it into the dungeon. It is heavy, but if they plan well and are able to funnel monsters into hallways for the slaughter, it could work.

It’s only 200 gp!!!

But then someone (I forgot to note who said it) suggested buying a raft, putting the light repeating ballista on a raft and travel through the swamp. Then someone else suggesting buying two rafts and connecting them with a hinge-like thing. You know, like those cheap snake toys.

This snake toy.

After spending quite a bit of their gathered gold, they have two rafts with a hinge to let them navigate the swamps and two light repeating ballistae. They left the town of Swampton and headed off to Jackonsville. Along the way, I rolled a random encounter with some Flamingolems.

Flamingolems are those tacky plastic yard flamingos that a mad wizard animated and now yearn for the organs of the living to fill their hollow insides. The ballistae did some damage, but the Flamingolems attacked the rafts and managed to drop Horatio in a single bite.

After a pitched battle, the party defeated the monsters and revived Horatio. I rolled on the ‘Mortal Wounds’ table and well… the Flamingolem bit off Horatio’s arm. His perfect body has been marred!

Cleavus opened up the corpses of the monsters and retrieved the arm, which he gave to Horatio. In addition to his full share of treasure, Horatio has demanded that the party help him re-attach his arm. They agreed to do so as soon as feasible.

After making to to Jacksonville, Cleavus spent some gold to get drunk and hear rumors. Partially, this was a challenge for me to come up with five rumors at the drop of a hat. I had a few ideas kicking around in my head, so I dropped these rumors:

Rumor # 1: Skunk apes abducted my sister’s best friend’s cousin last week.

Rumor #2: Excaligator isn’t a myth; he is real and he is out there in the swamps somewhere. Whoever pulls the knife form his head will be the next Emperor of Long Florida!

Rumor #3: Witches can be trusted if you pay them.

Rumor #4: Bath salts are great for a healthy diet. Could I uh… borrow 25 gp?

Rumor #5: Emperor Jimothy Buffet III has lost his shaker salt, the very symbol of his rule. He blames a woman.

The players pursued the skunk ape rumor. The went to the last known location of the cousin (who was abducted during a berry picking expedition) and set up an ambush. As bait, Eltina Joan wore an apron and sang ‘Tralalalalala’ as she picked. Sure enough, a skunk ape came after her… and was promptly butchered by the ambush. They found the kidnapped cousin nearby and the session ended there.

Now, I have to read up on the rules for ship-to-ship combat because the party may do a little trolling pirating. I am uncertain what the future will hold, but it’s exciting.

Alexa, this is so rad. Play ‘Barrett’s Privateers’ by Stan Rogers.

THE GRAVEYARD

Honest Ivan – Venturer 1 – Shot through the heart by a goblin arrow – Died in session played on the 7th of November in the year of Our Lord 2021.

TORDEK, SON OF TORDEK – Dwarven Vaultguard 1 – Poison needle trap on the door – Died in session played on the 21st of November in the year of Our Lord 2021.

Leopold – Pig – Bitten by a fire beetle – Died in session played on the 21st of November in the year of Our Lord 2021.

Snookums – Thief 1 -??? – Died in session played on the 21st of November in the year of Our Lord 2021.

Ralphina – Anti-Paladin 1 – Bitten by a giant fly – Died in session played on the 28th of November in the year of Our Lord 2021.

Louis de la Croix – Shaman 1 – Bitten by a giant fly – Died in session played on the 28th of November in the year of Our Lord 2021.

Attheu – Elven Enchanter 1 – Bitten by a giant fly – Died in session played on the 28th of November in the year of Our Lord 2021.

Fake Snookums – Thief 1 – Bitten by a giant fly – Died in session played on the 28th of November in the year of Our Lord 2021.

2 thoughts on “From Ballistas to Battlerafts

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