“Let’s Talk About Flamethrowers”

THE PARTY

Cleavus Rickshaw – Florida Man 1 – Has a rickshaw he carts his possessions around in. Has 3 Charisma.

Lubabrowfrow – Thief 1 – Rumor has it that I pronounced the character’s name correctly once.

Wyldstyle – Bard 1 – Likes edgy high-school-girl-goth-poetry.

François de la Croix – Explorer 1 – High Charisma. Wants to find what happened to his brother Louis.

Charlie – Paladin 1 – Henchman. Paladin of the Whey. Super jacked.

Horatio – Mage 1 – Henchman. Is the smartest and most handsome man in the world (other than the humble proprietor of this blog).

THE SESSION

I should be more consistent on when I post these writeups.

Unfortunately, Cleavus was passed out drunk (again… or for those in the know, agane), so he was not present for the session.

The session picked up in the swamp dungeon, where the party hopes to find a siren. Then, they will kill her and cut out her vocal cords to give them to a witch for gold. Just wholesome adventurers being wholesome.

We also do some cooperative worldbuilding at the table. When Charlie the Paladin joined the party, I envisioned that he was a Paladin of The Way (The Way is a misremembered Christianity). The party heard Paladin of the Whey. I ran with that. It makes him a more memorable character in the eyes of the players and it adds to the overall weirdness of the world. He is a paladin of a sort-of offshoot faith that is all about GOING TO THE GYM, BROTHER. Saint Hanz and Saint Franz watch over him.

When he uses his “Lay on Hands” ability, he covers his hands in whey powder first, similar to the way gymnasts and weightlifters cover their hands in the white chalky powder before they attempt something big. So that’s what a little table chatter can get you. Something memorable that doesn’t involve half-elf, half-demon, half-dragon panfluidgender sodomites!

Male Hand Powder Holding Barbell Weightlifting Stock Photo (Edit Now) 511871215
I am too cheap to actually buy the photo, so enjoy the watermark.

The ACKS ‘Mortal Wounds’ table is so much fun to roll on, but the results can be either absolutely perfect (such as when a monster bit off the genitals of a naked Florida Man) or bizarre. The henchman wizard Horatio set off a trap, which was a blade that came down from the ceiling. He was dropped to zero, but once revived, the roll on the table said… one of his eyes was lost.

H-how?

Oh well, they rolled with it. Through some combat that didn’t go as well as planned, the Thief’s legs were injured so much, he was referred to as “Tiny Tim”.

A trip back to the witch was in order (after a quick stop to drop off Charlie to visit his new girlfriend… can’t have him know that the party is consorting with a witch!). The dice were in the party’s favor, because they were not harassed by any random encounters.

For a hefty sum of gold, she healed the terrible wounds the party suffered, and for a little extra gold, the party asked her to change Horatio’s eye when she regrew it. They want him to see his own imperfections with it.

While in town, two new people were hired. The first was a were-possum. Because why not? I hadn’t thought of a name yet, so it was decided to name him Poss-Poss. (I just used the were-rat stats and called it a were-possum. It’ll be our little secret.)

The second was a cleric named Jimspector. God told him to inspect all the Slim Jims, but the convenience store wasn’t having it. Nor was the local sheriff. The sheriff agreed to release Jimspector into their custody, because he has a sneaking suspicion that this troublemaker will no longer cause trouble for the town if he is dead.


The session ended with everyone back at the dungeon. Who knows what next week will bring? Have a Happy New Year!

THE GRAVEYARD

Honest Ivan – Venturer 1 – Shot through the heart by a goblin arrow – Died in session played on the 7th of November in the year of Our Lord 2021.

TORDEK, SON OF TORDEK – Dwarven Vaultguard 1 – Poison needle trap on the door – Died in session played on the 21st of November in the year of Our Lord 2021.

Leopold – Pig – Bitten by a fire beetle – Died in session played on the 21st of November in the year of Our Lord 2021.

Snookums – Thief 1 -??? – Died in session played on the 21st of November in the year of Our Lord 2021.

Ralphina – Anti-Paladin 1 – Bitten by a giant fly – Died in session played on the 28th of November in the year of Our Lord 2021.

Louis de la Croix – Shaman 1 – Bitten by a giant fly – Died in session played on the 28th of November in the year of Our Lord 2021.

Attheu – Elven Enchanter 1 – Bitten by a giant fly – Died in session played on the 28th of November in the year of Our Lord 2021.

Fake Snookums – Thief 1 – Bitten by a giant fly – Died in session played on the 28th of November in the year of Our Lord 2021.

Eltina Joan – Bladedancer 1 – Drowned by water-logged zombie / decapacitated by the party – Died in session played on the 19th of December in the year of Our Lord 2021.

3 thoughts on ““Let’s Talk About Flamethrowers”

  1. You know, when I think of the (very short) list of things that I am happy about in 2021, this game tops the list. Huge changes in nearly every aspect of my life, most for the worst, but my Sunday Night ACKS Game has been a beacon of stability.

    Thanks, buddy!

    Liked by 1 person

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